Only two words long: I'm sorry!

J. Roughan

4 June 2009

Honiara

 

Last week ex-militants from both Guale and Malaita missed a great chance to tell the whole Solomons world that they were truly sorry for the pain, suffering and turmoil they had visited on our country. They were given a golden opportunity to do so while addressing the Foreign Relations Committee meetings which both radio and TV covered nationally.

 

The committee, touring each and every province across the nation, was gathering testimony from village and town folk. It was a wonderful government effort to inform the whole nation what people across the country were thinking about RAMSI. Ex-militants had a perfect chance, then,  not only to explain why they tried to destroy our nation but also to say those two small words "I'm sorry!" to the people for the terrible things they had done during the Social Unrest years of 1998-2003.

 

In vain I waited to hear a heartfelt "Sorry" for the awful pain, destruction and actual death of innocents they had authored. A perfect time to say "I'm sorry!" Not a single ex-militant, however, brought himself to utter that simple word "Sorry!" although they had come close to destroying the country, certainly had made many suffer and literally scarred the future of this beautiful nation for years to come. Nattering on about the Townsville Peace Agreement, focusing on their own personal loss and accenting their own pain wasn't the most pressing message the nation wanted or needed to hear.

 

Yes, I admit I did not hear every single word said during their hours of testimony, only that which I caught on radio broadcasts during the day and TV's nightly coverage. If I did miss a sentence of two which carried a sincere "Sorry!" statement from one or two of these men, then I am sorry to have missed that vital piece of testimony. However, what I did hear from those who only a few years ago were more than willing to destroy the nation, left me with great dread.

 

What came through their testimony, however, was something else again! They had expected that the TPA's immunity clause should have been totally honored and going full force. They had expected complete immunity from prosecution for their awful deeds and were aggrieved at the possibility of actually having to face future court action and the possibility of jail time. 

 

Some time this month, June, the nation's ears will be glued to the radio for the start of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission's meetings. These public testimonies will try to bridge the huge gap between those who were terribly hurt during the social unrest years and those who are accused of doing the killing, raping, burning, torturing and destroying people, families and communities.

 

If the recent Foreign Relations Committee meetings are anything to go by, however, I don't expect much reconciliation to go on. The first step in any reconciliation process is to accept one's guilt, show some kind of anguish/sorrow/remorse for the actions done to hurt the other person and then to seek forgiveness. Simply surfacing the facts of a crime so as to be public knowledge, may establish who the guilty party is but does little to bridge the awful gap between the killer and the families of those killed.

 

Probably the most important sentence in any long lasting marriage are these two words: "I'm sorry!" Although only two words long, when said with sincerity, have saved many a marriage. These simple words begin the reconciliation journey, get the couple's relationship back on the road once again and have a  positive effect slowing the heart rate and calming our breathing.

 

Of course even a sincere apology never brings back the murdered husband, make whole the raped mother and sooth the traumatized child, but it is the necessary first step in the long reconciliation road. Without them, however, the nation goes no where but remain in limbo waiting for the next Social Unrest period to unfold. While RAMSI can create conditions where an apology can take place, its we who have to apologize!